Functional Drink...WTF?

Does it look like medicine, a sports drink,
energy drink, drain cleaner......?
You deicde.

"This isn't natural at all... Just chemicals... Bullshit," Anton said as we both tasted the drink with the flavour 'Gold Berries.' I have to agree with him. A chemical cocktail something between the taste of original Gatorade, vitamin C tablets and a rotten mandarin is the only way I can describe it. I have a foul sour taste in my mouth as I write.

These drinks were given out at the jobs fair held by Lundaekonomerna, my faculty's student body. There were multiple energy drinks and health products to take as samples along side evil investment banking firms and IKEA (note: no free furniture) that were looking for trainees.

This drink has tried to differentiate itself as some sort of healthy option among the energy drinks product category, which most people (I understand) think is by definition unhealthy. We've all read the stories about the Jaegerbomb heart attacks and about the hospitalized kids after drinking 13 Red Bulls.

Kickup wants to be different of course: the white bottle, which I think is incredibly ugly and off-putting, is reminiscent of a medicine bottle (psychology: "Its good for you!") and it also has a list of the different vitamins it has on the back — all 13 of them. If you don't know what they are or what the hell they do, don't worry, Daddy (this company) will take care of you (psychology: "You are doomed without us.").

The thing that got my attention with this product is not that it is an energy drink or that it has vitamin supplements or that it is in an opaque bottle, but that it's called "Functional Drink." What exactly does that mean anyway? Perhaps it signifies that unless you drink this, you just don't function properly? Or perhaps it insinuates that other beverages serve no function.

For example:
Water? Forget about it, it is dirty and horrible from the tap!
Beer? It dehydrates you and makes you sleepy!
Tea? For poofters, come on, be a man!
Coffee? Actually in Sweden coffee is untouchable; the drink of champions. Let's not talk about it.

I guess the best thing about this drink for me is the 1 kr I will get when I take it to the recycling station :D